The Awesome Power of Unilateral Forgiveness
Summary: One of my adult grandsons once asked me, "In one word, what's the secret for a happy marriage?" Both he and I knew that having Jesus fully in our lives is the ultimate answer. But I knew that he was asking what character trait in action in our lives is a key to building a successful marriage. I immediately replied: "Forgiveness." Let's see how the Bible strongly encourages that vital key. And I want to emphasize today taking it to the ultimate, and that's unilateral forgiveness — that is, just deciding in your heart to forgive, even if the offending person(s) does not ask for that forgiveness.
Jesus on the Cross Demonstrated Unilateral Forgiveness
Jesus is the all-time #1 example of unilateral forgiveness. He allowed Himself to be cruelly murdered on a Roman cross to bear our sins and the penalty due to our sins. The Son of God had willingly come from heaven to earth to bring to us salvation from our sins by taking upon Himself our due penalty. And He did this "while we were still sinners," unsaved, unprepentant, lost and heading for a real, fiery hell unless God made some provision for our salvation. And that provision was God's beloved Son Jesus Christ.
He came to earth, to His own creation (John 1:9-11), but He was not received by most of His people Israel. Nevertheless, on the cross among His dying words were, "Father, forgive them!"
So Jesus is the preeminent example of one-sided, unilateral forgiveness. Even as the hostile crowd ignorantly mocked their Savior on the cross, Jesus forgave them! How then can we dare to hold unforgiveness against those who hurt us, when our Lord and Savior's reaction to His murderers was, "Father, forgive them!"?
The Martyr Stephen Modeled Unilateral Forgiveness For Us
The Church's first recorded martyr, Stephen, followed Jesus' example of unilateral forgiveness. No one was asking Stephen for forgiveness. To the contrary, they were stoning him to death! Yet he, like Jesus, had the grace to forgive his executioners: "Lord, do not hold this sin against them."
Stephen died from the stoning. But just for example's sake, let's imagine that he had survived it. Would he have carried bitterness and unforgivenes against his cruel killers? I greatly doubt it, because in the very throes of a painful death by stoning, Stephen forgave! Unilaterally. Bravo! What an example he gave for us.
Forgiveness Is a Centerpiece of the Lord's Prayer (the "Our Father")
Bitterness and unforgiveness can bring great harm to you in your soul, and even to your physical health. Some dedades ago I was in a Bible study group, and prayer was offered afterward for any who needed healing. One lady came forth for prayer to be healed of her painful arthritis. Well, a godly lady in our group received a revelation from the Holy Spirit that the woman had bitterness against her husband for various reasons. She openly repented, then received prayer, and was healed of her arthritis! When she forgave him, the bitterness left her soul, and healing came quickly to her bodily affliction.
If you have held bitterness and unforgiveness against someone and you can't seem to shake it, ask the Lord to change your heart to be like His: "Father, forgive them!" The result can be a rapid healing of longtime hurts that might even be affecting your body as well as your soul.
One of the great benefits of unilateral forgiveness is that it frees you, as it freed that lady who had the bitterness-induced arthritis.
The Bible Says That Overlooking Offenses Is "to One's Glory"
Are you feeling hurt? Has someone offended you? Said something mean or cruel to you or about you to others? You now have an option: you can get upset, bitter, and angry to your own hurt. Or you can overlook it to your glory.
My wife Linda and I were the victims of three felonies over the past few years. My wife's purse was stolen and her credit cards were quickly used to make fraudulent charges (thankfully, we reported it immediately to the credit card companies and were not held liable). Another time our pickup's tailgate was stolen overnight from our truck parked in our driveway. We had insurance, but still had to pay the copay to get a replacement. Yet another time we came out in the morning to find our Chevy stolen right out of our driveway.
I could have gotten bitter against the unknown perpetrators. But that internal anger and unforgiveness would hurt only one person: me! So knowing that God says it's to our glory to overlook an offense, my wife and I did that, and it freed us from any lingering anger or bitterness against the thieves. God is a God of justice, and if it's His plan to turn the criminals over to the justice system, He'll do that. But we were freed by forgiving and just leaving the follow-up, if any, to the Lord.
My esteemed pastor many years ago, the late Dick Benjamin of Anchorage, Alaska, spoke some great words of wisdom that I've never forgotten. Speaking about things that help you to have a happy marriage, he said that he and his wife always carried around the house an attitude of readiness to forgive. What wisdom, and entirely sound biblically. I could see firsthand that their long, delightful marriage for decades before their heavenly homegoing was clearly helped by the other-centered, forgiving attitude that they consistently displayed.
The Apostle Paul Prayed Fervently for His Chief Persecutors
The apostle Paul’s heart was right towards those who persecuted him most! It seemed like everywhere he went in ministry, Paul was resisted by hostile opponents from among his own countrymen, his fellow Israelites. They even plotted to kill him. Yet the apostle said he would gladly sacrifice even his own salvation(!) if they could be saved. And he prayed fervently that those Israelites, including many of his tormentors, would be saved.
Rather than hold anger and bitterness toward them, Paul's heart towards his Jewish opponents was like that of Jesus — "Father, forgive them!" — and like the martyr Stephen: "Lord, do not hold this sin against them!" And one can only imagine the inner blessing and peace that his forgiveness of his enemies brought to Paul's own soul. Remember: It is to our glory to overlook an offense.
Summing Up
Are you having trouble in your marriage? perhaps with your children? with a fellow student or a coworker? Hurts they have inflicted on you can drag you down. Take the inititiative. Seek the Lord for a change of heart toward them ... and forgive, even if it's unilateral, one-sided. You will be blessed by doing so, and you will experience God's freedom from the hurt.
Have you been deeply wounded by someone? Defrauded? Slandered? Decide within your heart that'll you'll go forward, not as a "victim," but as a forgiver — as your Lord Jesus was and is. How often? (Check out this next Bible verse)
Decide firmly to be a forgiving person. Not just one-time forgiveness, but an ongoing readiness to overlook an offense. Let it become a steadfast character trait in you. And by so doing, you will have moved one excellent step closer to being conformed to the magnificent, blameless image and likeness of our blessed, forgiving Savior Jesus Christ (Romans 8:29).
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Check out our related sermon: Forgiveness: Key to a Victorious Life and Happy Marriage
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Pentecostal Sermons & Bible Studies by Pastor Jim Feeney, Ph.D.